I really must learn to live in the present moment.
Today I went for my physio. My pinched nerve area is feeling a bit better, at least I can walk now, but obviously I still have a ways to go.
Physio: Have you ever been on a treadmill before?
Me: (wanting to say: Yeah, only for thousands of miles!) Yes,
Physio: (pushing buttons etc) Okay, we’ll start you walking at 2.3. Is that too fast?
Me: (wanting to say: Man, I can RUN at 6.3!) It’s okay.
True, my hip was hurting quite a bit, and as I tried to walk it seemed the nerve was getting pinched over and over again. But I felt like I was a high school senior being introduced to kindergarten activities.
I was so frustrated!
Then it occurred to me that, for peace of mind, I must LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. I have a body malfunction, I am taking the necessary steps to heal it. I am where I’m meant to be…
I felt better after that. Until they put me in traction. I’ve never had that done before. I”m wrapped tightly in these belts which are going in opposite directions. Seems like nothing is happening, until I had to get up. Holy shiz, it was a killer to sit up, then to try to stand, then try to walk…. I honestly thot I’d have to tell them I was unable to leave.
So the physiotherapy continues for awhile… and my run in Saskatoon is a bust, so I’ll have to look for something else. Meanwhile, I am where I am. My running is behind me and ahead of me; I just can’t do it right now. Hurts to say it, dammit. But it is what it is.
I love physiotherapists! He poked and prodded and twisted me like a pretzel — and I can stand erect now for the first time in two weeks! More work is scheduled; I see him again in two days.
Funny, during the assessment he asked me if I lived a a very active life. “I am a runner,” I responded. “I’m training for a half marathon in August.” And then damned if I didn’t start to weep again. Geez! It’s got ahold of me, this running thing! He said I’d likely be able to start up in a couple of weeks. That means I’ll miss a month of the training schedule. He didn’t promise I’d be back in shape for the River Run Classic, but he expressed confidence that I’d be totally ready for something this fall.
Finally. Now I know what it was, a pinched L4 lumbar nerve. Now when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in pain, at least I’ll know what is causing it and what I’m doing to repair it. I’m no where near healed yet, but I know what I’m up against. Who was it said KNOWLEDGE is POWER?
The sun is shining brilliantly, there is scarcely a whiff of wind, the menacing Canada geese have gone, oh, I dunno, somewhere further north I guess, and it is a perfect day for running!
Except. Except for my sore hip. A week ago I couldn’t walk, today I move hunched over and limping, telling myself I am getting better and better.And when I do, when I do, I will get out there and run. Never again will I tell my body: I need a break, I don’t feel like it, I don’t have time, maybe later — you know all the excuses. When I am well once again I will get out there and run every possible day until I can run no more. That’ll be when they put me in a box and say a tearful goodbye.
But before that happens, I want some more half marathons, 5K & 10K runs, and even a duathlon or triathtlon somewhere, just got to get back to the pool again… . So for all you runners out there, please take a step or two for those of us who can’t!
May is turning out to be the Month I Didn’t Run. It started out okay, I ran 25K in the first ten days and I went for a 15K bike ride. Plus I “swam” 12 lengths. I use Qmarks because it was more of a splashing, flutter-board-kicking, side stroke, breast stroke kind of thing, just to get from one end to the other. I sure did expend a lot of energy doing so, but my form was crappy.
I recall during one brief exercise suggested by my instructor, that my body was stretched out and my back arched, and I got a sharp pain in my lower back region. In retrospect, I think it was here that I pulled a muscle, and this might have started the ball rolling down the path of physical ruin. I felt stiff the next day, but continued with exercise. That’s when I did 4K on the hotel treadmill and was so pleased with myself.
Alas, that is the last positive experience I had to date in the area of physical activity. Jumping and heavy lifting, and sitting slouched for hours at a time — all things combined to give me a back that is so sore I have not stood erect for nearly two weeks, and I have pain that can run from my back to my right big toe. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming from the hot searing pain in my whole lower half.
I am on analgesics and muscle relaxants, which I hate doing because it seems to me that pills cover the problem, they don’t solve it. The MD thinks I need to take it easy for awhile, take something for the pain, and my body will heal itself. When he told me this yesterday I said, “How long is ‘awhile’?” and he said 3-4 months.
I corrected him:” Oh no, I can’t do that. You see, I’m training for a half marathon in August!” To which he responded, “I think you’ll have to forget about that” and for the first time in my life, I wept in a doctor’s office. When I came home and told the huz, I had to stop and catch my breath and swallow because I was starting to cry again.
I am a runner. A runner! And people are telling me I can’t run? So NOW what do I do?
I heard on the News today that a mother accidently backed over her 18-month old child and killed him. Now that is horrible news, and my heart goes out to her and her family. It certainly puts my problem into perspective.
So I won’t be posting PRs or describing hills or how my daily training went, not for awhile. And if I can’t do that Saskatoon River Run Classic, I’ll find another. There are dozens of them out there. And maybe I’ll end up meeting some Do Lifers and Tumblr/Internets in the process.
But for now… I’ll take it easy, and do the exercises the physical therapist gave me. I shall overcome.
I see there are a few other Tumblrs on the injured list, waiting to heal enough to get out there and pound the pavement/grass/trails again. Waiting sure is hard! On my way to a medical appointment yesterday, I saw a woman running along on MY lake path, and I felt both jealous and sad (that it was her out there not me), yet happy and relieved (because seeing her excited me — shall I re-word that? naaah — and filled me with optimism that this too shall pass). I’ve lost interest in exercise programs before, usually starting with missing a few days, but my commitment to running has become such that I cannot see this happening. Such motivation on these pages!
It helps to read the posts of fellow Tumblrs who are enduring various ailments, and the posts of those who are in fine form, facing challenges with exuberance. Running AND cycling AND swimming.
So far it’s a pulled muscle in my back, altho the doc said there were signs of arthritis in my hips. Pooey! I’ve had that for several years, and I’m sure hoping it isn’t going to get worse. Not now, not yet! I tend to think “sciatica” because of the location of the pain. I don’t want to bore you with further descriptions of symptoms; I’ll keep taking the Cyclobenzaprine and Tramacet for now and see what happens by Tuesday. The doc also suggested physical therapy, so I booked an apptment there, only I can’t get in till May 28th.
Meanwhile, I’m hoping time is a good healer. Altho I don’t have much of it, not if I want to train properly for my Half in August. Patience, patience.
I’ve made drastic changes in my life over the past year, but I’m still not where I want to be and the better I get, the better I want. I’m coming to recognize the nagging unhappiness as a good thing. It is a motivation to do better, be better.
I don’t care for the term “nagging unhappiness” but that really says it, doesn’t it. I can relate!
So. I was hauling kids around on my hip for three days, jumping on a trampoline, pushing a stroller with a heavy load — you know, cross-training stuff — and sitting for loooong periods of time in an uncomfortable truck seat & bouncing around, sleeping on a mattress that was way too soft. Whatever it was I did, or combination of things, I have some kind of unbelievable hip pain. In my hip and all down the outside of my leg, by turns throbbing, stabbing, dull, sharp. Likely some kind of sciatica thing. I have a massage booked for Thurs, an appt with my family doctor on Fri, what do I do tomorrow, rest? Look into going to a physical therapist? continue with the hot and cold compresses? Empty another bottle of Tylenol (not quite)? Find a chiropractor? Wait till Friday or go to Emerg and see if I can have an xray or something?
I have been unable to run since my treadmill trip last Thursday and oh how I miss it.
Meanwhile, just keeping in touch with those who inspire me so.
How a three- year-old views a treadmill.
(background noise = his sister and her friend on the elliptical. A home gym)
Today I just proved to myself how much
the Tumblr community influences me. I posted about traveling and being undecided about exercise. Outing myself like that, I felt I HAD to do something.
In the past I would have moped a bit and told myself how disappointed I was that I was unable to run. But I remembered several Tumblr messages, the most dominant being runningwithaltitude posting a picture of a treadmill in the fitness room of a hotel he was staying in. Well, if HE can do it so can I! And I did it — you can’t see it clearly but I did 2.467 miles in 30 minutes. (It says DISTANCE, you can only see the “ANCE” because I don’t take good pictures when I am excited or breathless or the screen is moving or, as in this case, all of the above.)
I slowed down a few times, but I wasn’t doing speedwork today. And was the sweat ever pouring! I always feel kinda proud about that.
My Achilles are complaining now for some reason, might be a bit of the stiffness left over from yesterday’s swimming. Plus the treadmill surface compared with outside running.
I checked out the pool here, but it is small and narrow and there are quite a few kids in it, so I’ll rejoice in my running and postpone my swimming till another day.
